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About Emma Newman

Emma Newman writes short stories, novels and novellas in multiple speculative fiction genres. She is a professional audiobook narrator, and a Hugo Award winning podcaster. Her current podcasts are ‘Imagining Tomorrow’ and ‘Tea and Sanctuary’. www.enewman.co.uk

The Script

Comic script - this is exactly what happened to my son in the small hours of this morning. I only saw the messages when I woke up, and he told me what happened once he was awake. It made me laugh, and I immediately thought it might make a fun comic and Beanie agreed!

A young man (if you want to base him loosely on my son, he’s 16 years old, tall, short brown hair, blue eyes) is about to leave his room but spots a huge spider on wall next to the door (it is on the wall that the door would rest against when open and the dressing gown hanging on the back of the door would brush against where the spider is) . 

He is terrified of spiders, so he can’t open the door. It’s the small hours of the morning.

He leaps onto his bed on the other side of the room, a bookcase blocking the line of sight between him and the spider and tries to phone his Mum who is sleeping in her room across the landing, and message her on WhatsApp, but her phone is on ‘Do not disturb’ so there’s no answer. 

Panicking, he phones friends until one finally picks up - ‘Help! There’s a huge spider in my room!’

Friend: What colour is it?

Beanie: Black? Brown? I dunno! It was BIG

Friend: You’re okay, I don’t think they can climb.

Beanie: IT’S ON MY WALL! (throughout the rest of this exchange the friend also now freaking out is just making Bean panic even more!) 

Friend: Oh, that one can climb then! Just dash out the door!

Beanie: It’s by the door, I can’t get out!

Friend: IT’S IN YOUR ROOM?! 

Beanie: Yes, I told you this!

He peeps round the bookcase. The spider is gone!

Beanie: It’s gone!

Friend: THAT MEANS IT COULD BE ANYWHERE!

Beanie’s eyes flick to all the posters it could be hiding behind, and all the clothes and stuff on his floor it could now be lurking under.

Beanie: YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

He hangs up and hides in the duvet. If you think that a final shot on the spider’s hiding place would be a good ending, do add that in, but happy to end it on Beanie hiding.

 

Artists Notes

One of the goals of the project was to try and work with as many writers as possible, and so I told every writer "Don't worry - I'll take any format of script" - there are sort of comic script standards, and attempts have been made in the past to really hammer them in, but for the most part every writer I work with works a little different anyway. That said, this script required a lot of thinking about to get the most out of the story (you can argue amongst yourself whether that's what I did).

Firstly there's a sort of action limit in comics, every action will usually require one panel - character opens door, walks through door, locks door? that's three panels. I felt like, on this script, there was too much going on to fit in the super limited single page I had, plus some of the action I wanted to build it up a bit more, so I knew I'd be putting a bunch of panels towards the getting ready to go out (because build up build up build up build up PUNCHLINE!) I also knew I wanted the dialogue interaction to have that ratatatat rapid delivery, which meant I'd get a single panel for that set of dialogue. This meant brutalising the story a little, cutting out the contacting of his mum and going straight to the friend. I also wanted a little end note on the spider - I thought that would be fun, a happy little chappy. (remove the last spider panel and the page feels like it's not quite finished - it's a figurative and literal full stop)

The manga shading effect/speedlines came after I'd drawn it and realise it would work better with a little bit of manga (tonally too, fits a teen), and the coloured lettering was because I needed someway to quickly distinguish the two sets of dialogue (I decided to eschew clip studio's balloon lettering tools a) because it would take ages to get exactly how I want it and b) because I thought I could add more character to it that way. The background of the room is pretty much a direct tracing of my teenage son's bedroom (which is so quintessentially teenager it looks like a set from a modern John Hughes teen comedy). (And it's all my son's work, he's done that all without parental help)

Anyway. This was finished the day before publication, but I think it turned out ok.

Oh, and because I drew it, and then slathered lettering all over it, here's the page without dialogue...

Hello!

Hey, if you’re here, then welcome, settle in and I hope you find something you like. This is mine (PJ’s) old patreon, and so there’s still some old posts. I debated deleting them all and then thought, to heck with it, that’ll take ages, so have left them up. But going forward (ugh, please forgive me for that expression) you’ll get a weekly update on the new one page folklore thursday comic John and I are doing, and maybe more posts as we either talk about the process or stick up some articles on the subjects. We’re here for the long haul, so stick with us!

Folklore Thursday: Celestial

Unusually this particular folklore thursday tweet went through a rewrite… I’ll start with the finished article, here it is:

On the 23rd of September the Sun will cross the Celestial Equator, marking the Northern Hemisphere’s Autumn Equinox. As Earth enters the final quarter of its year, celebrations like Mabon and Harvest Festival are held in thanks for all that Summer has bestowed. #FolkloreThursday

We’re constantly fighting a number of limitations of time and space (not being timelords, this will always be the case)

John’s original tweet read

On Monday 23rd of September the Sun will cross the Celestial Equator, marking the Northern Hemispheres Autumn Equinox. Thanks Giving festivals take place around the Equinox, including the CofE Harvest Festival (est. 1843) and the Modern Pagan Mabon (est. 1970) #FolkloreThursday

Altered because, as John says “[the edited version] It still sounds a bit like the voice-over in a planetarium, or the start of a BBC documentary, but I think it’s a bit more poetic and interesting (hopefully) “

All drawing is disappointment. You learn to live with the limits you’ve set for yourself. I had a few hours to do this and lacked time to dig in as much as I wanted – ideally the wall of space behind the earth would’ve included an accurate starmap, and an earth that was more realisticly inked/coloured and maybe more of a crowd. But you have to get-it-done. 

So Google Earth to the rescue, and a quick search fo 3d stonehenge and a photo of a horn of plenty for some ideas and that was the pencils…



Adobe Furishop

GAAHHHHH!

I’ve had quite the day. Nothing going as it should.

The Royal Mail, who I want to support, but, ironically, are the least capable postage service amazon uses.

Went to collect a parcel that we missed. Came home to find a note saying “While you were out…” ugh.

Went to collect my son’s ipad – got it repaired last week. They guys repairing it screwed it up, so the screen went hay wire. Texted them yesterday “Sure, that’s ready for collection”. Popped in today. “Oh yeah, it’s ready. But it’s in Downpatrick” (A distance of 47 miles).

Decided to cancel Adobe Creative Cloud. I signed up for the photographer’s licence, it’s a good deal if you use photoshop – tenner a month for access to photoshop. But I don’t use it, everything I do is done in Clip Studio Paint.

I signed up last month, you have a reasonable 14 days to try and cancel. So I went to cancel, they offered me two months free and I thought “Oh, that’s class. I’ll take that”.

Still didn’t use it, and being a conscientious fellow, I decided to cancel even though I’m in the middle of that two month free use.

Cancelling costs £44 – ie, half of the remaining contract. And you lose access to it on the next billing date. ie within the month. So the optimum time for cancelling, where you pay the least and get the most is … er… at the end of your contract.

I was furious. Effing Furious. (To be honest, the adobe thing came after the post and the ipad, so I headed to adobe support and this happened…


 

You’re chatting with Bill ***

Thank you for contacting Adobe membership services. You will be attended to shortly.
Thank you for your patience. Your wait time is approximately ‘4’ minutes.
You are now chatting with ‘Bill ***’
Thank you for contacting Adobe Membership Services paul. I’ll look into your account right away to view exclusive offers for your membership.
Hi Paul, how are you doing today?

Bill, I had assumed my contract with adobe could be cancelled at any time – it’s not a service I ended up using to any extent
When I tried to cancel in septemeber (shortly after beginning the service) I was offered two months of free use (or so it appeared). I took the offer, but still didn’t use photoshop to any greater extent and decided to cancel it altogther, but I’ve just discovered the cancellation fee is £44
Paul, I see you are using Creative Cloud Photography plan (one-year)‎.
When I first tried to cancel, this was within the 14 days cooling off period.
Okay.
If I had known that accepting the “two months free” would negate the cooling off period I would not have accepted.
Paul, I would like to inform you the subscription plan you’ve is under annual commitment/monthly billing.
how much notice of cancellation is required for there not to be a cancellation fee?
The early termination fee would be GBP 44.91.
Just to reconfirm, may I please know the reason why do you want to cancel it?  
Are we still connected?

Will I still have access to the service for four months (which is approximately the value of that fee?)
If you will cancel it you will no longer have the access to it.
May I please have your phone number to update your profile?
We have not heard from you for some time.  Do you wish to continue to chat?
So I have to pay for four months access to an app that I won’t have access to? This is an awful way to treat customers.
Don’t cancel. Can you give me an email address to contact customer services.
I will be taking legal advice. It is utterly unacceptable to charge someone for a service and then to no longer give them access to it.
Paul, just to let you know that you currently have 9 months remaining.
Yes, and if I want to cancel, I have to pay – IN ADVANCE – for four months and then get to use it for only one month. Astonishing to me that adobe think that’s acceptable.
At the time of purchasing the product I believe you must’ve go through the terms and condition regarding the subscription plan you have.
It’s not asking you to pay for 4 months.
That’s the early termination fee charge if you wish to cancel it now.
That is why I asked you the reason for the cancellation.

The early termination fee is equivilant to the price of half the remaining contract – and the contract is no longer available.
As I’m here to help you with it.
Yes that’s correct.

I do not use photoshop, I had originally signed up for it to test it to see if it suited my purposes, and had intended to cancel within the 14 day termination period. When I went to cancel adobe offered me two months of free usage
I had no idea that this would then lock me into paying £44 to stop the service I never used to any great extent.
Okay, so now you are looking to cancel it without fee right?
Ideally.
Yes, ideally, I would like to cancel without paying a fee.

[ I lost the last bit, but that’s what happened – cancelled, no fee. ]


Black Snow 1

Black Snow starts this week in 2000AD, here’s the pencils of the first three pages. Just a gentle reminder, if you sign up to the patreon you can see stuff like this AND MORE as it happens!