Author: pj

So anyway, updates are a bit pathetic round here, arent they?

I can’t honestly say that’ll change, but I keep meaning too.

Now the meta moaning about my minimamal maintenance of this aide memoire is done, on to the action.

Things what I have done.

Couch to 5k – I’ve been doing this off and on for WEEKS! WEEKS! With my mate. It’s been a comedic disaster, our first attempt we got to week 4 day 2 and decided it was too much and went back to redo week 3, then by end of week3 we went back to week 2, then we discovered my mate, who is clearly much much fitter than I and yet was struggling, had to go to hospital to get a gallbladder removed. So we paused, and then when he was well enough we restarted back at week 1.

So it’s been 10 weeks or so, but we’re finally back at week 4 day 2.

The thing is, past a certain age comfort becomes priority and discomfort becomes something to be avoided. So for me, being sweaty and out of breath isn’t comfortable, and so I pull back a bit – but the really is, I suppose, you need to get there so you can be fit enough to bend down to tie your shoes without running out of breath. Similarly, being hungry is my first sign that I need to eat – and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was hungry. I need to learn to sit in discomfort if I want to get fitter and get slimmer.

Definitely Maybe

Yesterday me and my 16 year old went to see Liam Gallagher play in the Boucher road playing fields – on the anniversary tour of Definitely Maybe. Despite not being a full on oasis fan (neither of us) we thought it’d be worth seeing this tour – part of me regrets the fact that in the 90s when Blur and Oasis were big, I was entirely unbothered by concerts and live music. My twenties I’d rather spend it behind a computer screen programming than going to any concerts. But my kid loves music and loves concerts and I’ll sometimes make him jealous of the fact I saw Prince in 1991 (was my first concert, really, age 21, and I think it was my last concert for quite some time, as I just didn’t like concerts). So this seemed like a good one to share.

When Blur and Oasis were doing their direct face off, I was in Milton Keynes and knew a lot of people who were Oasis fans and I never felt I had a lot in common with them – too lary, too testosterone fuled and macho, and so it proved. Drunken blokes, constantly seeing plastic glasses with beers flashing over head like inept fireworks, and one bloke shouting “GET IN! GET IN! GET IN!” (though I think this was a football related joy).

Anyway, me and the kid did not enjoy that aspect of it. Plus we’re both short (me more than him) so finding a spot to see anything is great until people taller than us stand directly in front.

There were three bands playing, Esmeralda Road – a NI band – doing I suppose funky jazz? who it turns out, has members in it, my eldest son knows cus they were a year ahead of him in school, Kasabian who was great actually – bursting with energy, way better than I expected (and also everyone seemed to know their lyrics, except me…) and then Liam Gallagher, who did a lot of singing, not much talking and when he did talk it’s pretty much what you’d expect from Liam Gallagher.

Anyway, that’s my concert review.

On Anthologies

Man, I love anthologies – isn’t that obvious. Anyway, over the last year or so I’ve accidentally picked up “ASIMOV The Early Years” volumes 1, 2 and 3 – I used to love Asimov, so much so, that when I’d sort of exhausted his scifi oeuvre (ok I bounced off Foundation, but man the Caves of Steel! the Robot Stories! and these shorts from the Early Years – all great stuff to adolescent me) I discovered his Black Widowers stories – retired detectives solving mysteries.

I’ve also picked up the recent return of EC Stories, and have now set it my mission to get something in print in one of them. Let’s see how that goes – good to have goals, right?

Also, inspired by them, I’ve decided to try and focus on writing and drawing some shorts – it’ll take forever so don’t get excited, plus I’ll probably forget about it- that I can pull together into my own ec inspired anthology (difference between an ec inspired anthology and a 2000ad inspired one? I think the ec ones are all done in one, whereas 2000ad things have long continuous arcs)

And finally…

John McCrea was around so we took out my new Samnee Artists Edition of the Black Widow book, and let me tell you, John and I just stared at this thing boggle eyed. I will say my enjoyment of the artists editions has massively shoot through the roof since I decided I’d look at these books with John – it is the best way to enjoy them, get a pal around and share them with someone. But also, especially on this Samnee book, Chris is of the “I’ll fix it after I scan it” generation – ie, people (like me and John and more) who do much of their corrections on the computer. Which means there’s very little whiteout, but there is a lot of code on the page to indicate what to do (lines with an X through them to indicate – “ERASE THIS LINE” and arrows pointing at lines, which I think indicates “redraw this bit”) we compared the drawn art to the printed art, and man there’s a lot of small, almost insignificant differences, but differences all the same. Small cutsy cartoony faces, redrawn with slightly more realistic shadow. Light carved out of figures where the figure is entirely in shadow. Nothing major, but highlighted why Samnee is a genius.

Anyway, this afternoon I’m expecting Batman Year 1 Artists Edition, where all the marks are on the page, and McCrea is still in town… so …. let’s see! (will get some pics!)

My son (aged 16) and I (aged er… not telling) opened up one of my boxes of original art, mostly containing stuff over a decade old (and some older) – which sounds like a long time ago and feels like no time at all. This was largely Dept of Monsterology (which I wish had been more of a success than it was), Numbercruncher and some bits and bobs of Dredd.

A couple of things struck me during this deep dive. Some of the art I liked, some I didnt – the mission was to separate good pages which I might be able to sell from bad pages (or at least harder to sell) I’d bin them, in the end of the pile of binable stuff barely made a dent (which isn’t to say I’ll ever sell the others, because the work involved in that would be substantial, and so it’s more likley they’ll sit in this box for another 30 years until my kids are left with the job of disposing of them in some manner, probably in a tip. (It’s ok though, they’re simply the building blocks for the comics that they become)

When I began my comics career, I kept all the art I drew, eventually I had too much and just started keeping finished comic pages (as opposed to the odd nice drawing) then I started only keeping the pages that were published, and even with that I still have a massive pile of artwork (one of the many advantages of going digital is I no longer keep pages and pages of paper)

One of the benefits though of looking through this old stuff is seeing where the quality varies, though I often don’t have a clue why it did – too mcuh confidence? lack of confidence? I don’t know, but some pages are much more amateurish than others – even in the same run of a book. I dunno how much of that is detectable by a non artist, but it feels painfully obvious to me.

Some of my inking is too clunky, even as the drawing is nice. Though often the clunky is better than the other stuff, where the inking feels weed-thin, like a strong gust will blow it away. There was a more explosive energy to a lot of it (but maybe that was the material – Monsterology, especially was a kinetic fun thing). Also, this work is about 10 years into my pro career, so I can’t even blame it on my own growing pains.

Also, I redrew a lot of stuff – I joke about it often, and it’s something I had a reputation for, but it’s much wilder to come face to face with two pages and NOT KNOW WHICH ONE WAS THE FINAL ONE. I mean, why? I used to say (and I still sort of believe it) I can redraw any of my own art and it will be fractionally better – but sometimes those fractionally improvements are so small, and yet at the time felt so important.

That Dept of Monsterology page? I think I drew a third version of that. Ugh.

I dunno if I can draw any lessons from this, I wish I could. I wish I could see exactly why the bad pages were bad and the good pages were good.

It’s not all bad, a lot of the work I look at and think “actually that’s pretty good” and even the weak ones I think – well, the colour probably made it harder to spot that was weaker.

Anyway, putting that box away for another decade might help. We’ll see.

Quick update, I did a fun little short radio interview on BBC Radio Ulster this morning, and you should be able to hear it here (it’s about 15 minutes in)

My old webserver company has become a new webserver company, hopefully they’ll keep the website up and running as smoothly as the old one did, and if you’re interested in hosting your own website (I pay around a fiver a month and honestly, it’s a bargain to have a wordpress install that’s all my own – with no ads, or features you “pay for”) anyway, the people hosting it now are:

https://www.velocitas.cloud

And, if like some pals who had a google account with multiple emails, you should consider moving to these guys as a fiver a month will get you unlimited email addresses (instead of googles new crazy pricing per email address for business)

On the personal front, mad busy, can’t talk about it. Went to Disneyland paris last week – an emergency holiday (wife was taking son, but she took vertigo meaning she couldn’t do any rides with him, so I had to get an emergency passport and book a flight and hotel so it wasn’t a massive waste of money on a miserable holiday for the two of them) but came home to do a work catchup and somehow wife now has covid. She’s not had it lucky, that’s for sure. (Quite apart from marrying me)

Anyway, now the website is in a new home, let’s see if we can’t figure out what to do with the place, eh?

-pj

Alrighty then, let’s bring you all up to speed.

Went to Enniskillen – a fun show that’s usually got a couple of fantastic guests (and the usual hangers on, like me) Alan Davis, Mike McMahon and Cam Kennedy were all there, and in great form. Picked up a Dredd sketch off Mike, a page from Alan Davis and a Cam Kennedy sketch book (I wish I had the budget to buy one of Cam’s extraordinary colour pages he had with him, just amazingly beautiful stuff). Getting an Alan Davis page is a bit of a thrill, as I’ve been a huge fan of his since I was a kid – from Harry 20 on the Highrock onwards.

I’ve been rearranging my studio to make room for a modest drawing desk so I can do some pen and ink stuff once again (because I do miss paper)

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I’d quite like to do a ‘zine. If for no other reason than I want to pour a little bit of energy into a pointless endeavour. It’s called VHS, and the aim is to take one film and make a ‘zine around it, as if I just saw it for the first time and it fired up my imagination just like it would’ve done when I was 12 years old. Partly it’s just an excuse to draw something without worrying about whether it’s any good, and partly because something I quite miss from childhood is that run up to seeing an exciting movie and being obsessed with it for ages. The excitement of seeing, for example, Clash of the Titans, the summer waiting for it and then it coming out (in the same year as Indiana Jones, but it’s Clash I remember because I was obsessed with Harryhousen movies) and then thinking about nothing but it for months until a different movie came out. Now, I find myself seeing a trailer and thinking “oh yeah, I’d quite like to see that” and then blinking and it’s 15 years later and the movie has long been on streaming platforms and I just can’t find the time to watch ‘em.

The other point, I think, is to be able to sit in the world of the movie a bit longer than just the couple of hours it takes to watch it. To explore the language and design work of a film, and just play with whatever ideas it inspires.

Anyway, noble goals. Part of me wishes I had the time/patience to do it, and part of me thinks “nope, this is going no where”
But I throw the idea out to you, gentle reader – I think it’s a really good way to think about watching a film, and pulling all the deliciousness of it out from the celluloid and into the grey cells.

Finally, my webserver has given me notice of eviction (well, they’re closing and told me I need to find a new host). Maybe time to rethink how online I want my presence. I’ve been paying for websites for two decades and I know over that time I’ve had a number of people who’ve enjoyed my nonsense, but I’m feeling more and more like the old timer who decides to withdraw from the city and live in the woods with a bear.

Look, to reassure you, I will be finding a new home. I’m just not sure if I should start from blank or not.

Was at Lawless this weekend, despite going for 10 years (TEN! I no longer understand time) this was my first year. And honestly it was a hoot.

The hotel for the show was the same hotel used by one of the early 00s Bristol conventions, I used to go to, and I was suddenly transported back 20 years to 2004 and looking at old photos of the last show I’d been there at (I think I’ve been to subsequent bristol shows, but not that particular hotel)

There was a weird element of Sapphire and Steel as my brain flashed back twenty years to many of the same people and then back to the present, like I’d stayed at the some hotel convention in 2004 went to the bar turned round and everyone was suddenly twenty years older except me (obviously)

When I did turn up in 2004, I was determined to take photos (because I’d been going to those shows for a few years and generally didn’t bother) and so photos I took, and mostly my memories were of Stu – Stewart Crofts-Perkins, WR Logan, who was my first contact in Dredd fandom way back in the nineties (and who we lost in 2016)- here’s a post from 2019 (with photos from the 2004 Bristol con) when I decided I should go to more cons, oh what a poor idiot, had no idea a pandemic was coming…

Anyway, Friday was a weirdly mixed emotional night, on the plus side it was great to see some people I haven’t seen in over a decade (Robbie Morrison among them) but you couldn’t help but think of the people gone.

Still, the show itself was great fun, it is 2000ad specific. (And as I am prone to telling people at other comic shows, sure no-one knows me here, but for a certain kind of middle aged man, I’m like catnip). Found myself drawing lots of Chimpskys (the hyper intelligent Bonobo from 2000ad I co-created with Kenneth Neiman) and talking to Brian Bolland about drawing monkeys (albeit briefly).

Had to head home early on Sunday, rushed off early only to find myself waiting on an plane for hours longer than I should have done as it was running very late.

Thanks to Rob Williams, and Sam for hosting me.

Feel like a reset is in order. I’ve been spending so long in the moment, by which I mean neither keeping track of the work I’ve done nor scheduling it in any meaningful way, simply trying to draw as much as I can when I can. This has lead, I think to burnout (if not total burnout at least early symptoms). No past, no future, only constant never ending present.

Sometimes the work will stop, every line feels wrong or you find yourself battling with the idea of drawing itself.

Iv’e taken a couple of steps. Step one, restart with the pomodoros, this is usually enough to stop my brain thinking I’ve spent hours on half a panel when in fact it’s only been five minutes.

Secondly, I’ve restarted noting what work I’ve done in a diary. I always fall off that, but I need to try not to.

And thirdly, I’ve decided to try and reset back to do doing TWO things per day. Two pages of pencils or two pages of inks. If I can do that without pause it’ll still represent 30 pages (or so) per month. Way ahead of what I need to do.

That’s largely a nominal goal, if I do more, brill. If I do less, that’s fine. But once I hit my goal I’m allowing myself to relax and not worry about any more work for the day. That’s where I’ve really been punishing myself, do more, do more, do more and you never did enough.

In other news, I’ve been regularly walking with my pal Jim Lavery most days for the past few months and then a couple of weeks ago we started couch to 5k together. He’s a lot fitter than me, but I’m now fitter than I was a few weeks ago. Oddly, now we run Mon/Wed/Fri I find myself not going for walks on the days between and that’s not so good. Will try and correct for that.

I dunno if I can guarantee I’ll blog more, I feel like I’ve spent the last twenty years alternating between promising I’ll blog more and apologising for blogging less.

I’ve been off twitter for a while, and there’s a big part of me feeling sort of done with all social media, and actually a lot of online stuff. Thinking more and more about retirement, it’s a good decade plus off, but I never remember it preoccupying my thoughts any where near as much. True to most comic artists, my retirement will likely look less like someone not working and more like someone who will inevitably die at the drawing board. But then, maybe I can keep getting better and better at drawing and – like Hokasai said “When I am 80 you will see real progress”.

The paperclip problem, except none of the paperclips can actually be used to hold paper together, and only sort of look like a paperclip from a distance and people are telling you how brilliant the paperclips will be eventually even though they never seem to get any better.

Source: PJ Holden.

I’m quoting myself, which is TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE form. But I’m largely doing it to see if I can get “Press This” working again, a feature I used for years on word press that seemed to have slowly disappeared. It allows me to blog on whatever website I’m looking at, straight in to my blog.

Anyway if this works, maybe I’ll tempt me into more reliable blogging.

Slightly big oopsy doo there, I connected the blog to my patreon and did not anticipate 150 blog posts coming across. Yikes. Apologies if you were thinking I’d gone post crazy. Don’t think it’ll happen again (but then I didn’t think it would happen in the first place)

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My studio is located facing the outwards at the front of the house, behind me my bedroom and my son’s room. So I heared what I thought was my son come up the stairs when the following took place:

me: “hello Thomas”

Wife: “It’s not thomas, it’s me”

Me: “Oh. I’m heading out at 3 for a walk with Jim”

Wife: “3? that’s earlier than you thought”

me (thinking) “that’s a weird way to respond to that”

me “Yeah. just the usual”

wife “Do you need any money?”

me(thinking) “Why on earth would she offer me money?”

Turns out she was having a conversation with Thomas (also going out at 3) and I couldn’t hear him, but I could hear her.

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Speaking of Thomas, owing to the appearance of the Sidemen on netflix (which I keep mispronouncing to sound like spider-men) we’ve resubbed to netflix. So we’re cancelling paramount+.

One in one out for streaming for me from now on. Though even when you do cancel you end up with around a couple of weeks of streaming on credit (easily the best thing apple ever did for subscriptions, and I’m quite sure no company would’ve ever let you do that – have you every tried to cancel an adobe subscription early? madness)

Our tv watching is so diffuse now we’re all watching different things, nobody watches anything together, and honestly, it makes me a little sad. Sitting watching quantum leap with my brothers was one of my fav things growing up as a teen. Or star trek, even. Shared watching was great.

Another fine example of technology doesn’t always make things better.

(Have decided to try and burn through the last series of Star Trek Discovery, which I liked the first series of, and it got more and more weirdly convoluted each series. Star Trek: Brave New Worlds is a banger though)

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One of the things that became obviously harder over the pandemic was the need to cook two meals every single day for a family of four. I suppose we could get away with sandwiches at lunch but even then you’re still cooking at least seven meals a week, 31 meals a month and 365 meals a year (and double those numbers of a sandwich isn’t going to cut it). Obviously, It can’t always be spag bol. Though it frequently is.

And I actually enjoy cooking, but it’s time consuming. One great thing about being in the new house (over a year now) is getting the new kitchen complete with dishwasher. It’s only small, and we frequently need to run it twice a day, and god knows what that’s doing to our electric prices, but suddenly a big chunk of the dishwashing burden is removed, and you have more time to cook.

So, to that end I’ve been trying to do one from-scratch side dish every so often with a regular meal, and seeing what new things I can do. At the moment I’ve had a right old go at Hassleback potatoes (almost no hassle at all and so pretty!) and potato dauphinoise, a little more work, and need some basic ingredients, but actually pretty simple and very nice, especially with steak (or chicken … or any big chunky main thing)

Anyway I grabbed both recipes from the bbc here: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/dauphinoise-potatoes (I find about 250 cream and 250 milk with three large potatoes does three/four people comfortably) and https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/hasselback-potatoes (it calls for garlic and rosemary, I just did mine with a bit of butter and again a big ol’ baked potato) and actually if you’re doing a nice dinner, I do recommend doing both kinds of potatoes cus it’s pretty easy and dead impressive…

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And despite spending two days traditional paper and ink, I’ve gone back to digital. This constant oscillation between these two states annoys me more than you’ll ever know. I lack the space to give over to both fully, and even traditional is tight for space, but it’s so much more satisfying to draw a GOOD line with ink, and yet I’ve got to face facts, I think my digital inking is better than my pen and ink…