Sorry, no idea of your name – your twitter alias is @floatrockcomics I know that much! (I think I’ve said before about putting your real name in as your twitter alias, so people can see you’re a real person and associate your name with your work, but I’ll not labour the point here!)
So, if you’ve been here before, you’ll know the drill, send me a page of unlettered inks and I’ll see if I can add some extra value in the storytelling.
Here’s a page, original to the left, my edits to the right, notes to follow!
I think this is a pretty nice page, but it suffers a little from what I think of as “the void”. There’s a lot of The Void in this. The Void is that location that really doesn’t have much of a background. Now, there IS background here, but it’s not deep enough – it doesn’t sell the location (it sells the stage we’re on, but not the bigger picture) so lots of the edits here are about dealing with that.
Panel 1: Largely left as is, just added some shadows behind the crowd this just pushes the readers focus more towards the middle of the panel where our main guys are. This feels like it should be bigger panel, mind you, the whole page has the feel of The Middle page in a bigger story, and that has its own physical shape, there are panel arrangements there that work that don’t work so well at the start or the end. If this is the scene setter panel, you might what to make it bigger, wider, pull the camera out a bit and get bits of the village in, for example. As is, I left it.
The Void! We’re in the middle of a village, but where is the village? floating in n-space? Inside a giant castle? In a VR Landscape? I’ve put them surrounded by Mountains. Just that little bit extra, doesn’t require too much, but now we know the white void above their heads is sky. Also: How tall are these guys? It feels like the crowd are shorter – but maybe they’re not? So I dropped the foreground dudes entirely into silhouette and just gave them a little more height so they’re all about the same height.
Panel 3: Dropped the panel backgrounds. This takes the need to do a background entirely out of it, and pushes that cool foreground shouty vampire dude.
Panel 4: Not entirely clear if they’re suddenly floating or why they’re massively taller than everyone else, so I increased the height of the background silhouettes and added a little bit of mountain background, so the bg doesn’t feel empty.
Panel 5: Good shot, needs a tiny bit of background (feels like we’re looking up here so no need to show the crowd, we can get away with clouds and the tips of the mountains)
Panel 6: Moved everyone up a smidgen so they’re not literally resting their chin on the panel border (I counted three that are just hitting that bottom border) it’s a small thing, but these small things add up.
Panel 7: Just added some mountains and clouds, this helps add depth to the panel (which feels a little like a stage set, with no background behind it)
Panel 8: A reverse silhouette, gives the panel a bit of weight without being too distracting.
As ever with these things, YMMV, it’s a pretty nice page, and while it feels initially like there’s backgrounds it feels like it’s foreground+middleground but no actual background, no third plane which gives it that floating in the void feel. But take from this what you will, I will bear no malice if you think it’s all nonsense.