I finished up Week 5 and it was difficult. Tim pre-recorded podcast assures me this is the worst of it. Deep diving into a emotional trauma and resurfacing it to write was easy the first time -, because … well… because I hadn’t anticipated how much of a kick it would be. This is a skill I have – I just don’t connect to the full emotional impact of a thing prior to it happening, because if I did I’d be a wreck.
So the first of the dives was difficult, but felt worth doing. The second I really struggled to approach it in the same way, preferring to talk around it, talk about the aftermath, be a cooler head. The third time I just couldn’t face it at all, wrote about something else and deleted the entire thing. I’d say I wasted my time, but I don’t think you can ever do that with something like writing. Sometimes you need to excise the rubbish so you know what you don’t want to do. (You measure a circle, as I frequently tell people, by starting anywhere).
The final day I went back in and tried doing it again, and it was just as emotionally wrecking as the first time I wrote about it (abeit I approached it from a different angle)
It can be hard to write/talk about really deeply affecting stuff. I mean, look how far in to this blog I’ve come without even saying what my writing this week was about. It was about the death of my mum, some 14 years ago, and how much it impacted me.
Anyway. I did it. I’m glad I did that first bit of writing on it, and I’m ready to move on to something new.
Looking forward to week 6.