Couch to 80k Week 3 Day 6

Couch to 80k podcast is a writer’s bootcamp with daily exercises by Tim Clare and is part of his Death by 1000 paper cuts blog.

Today nearly didn’t happen. After yesterday’s little farrago, where I attempted the channeling of a chirpy chippy, and fell flat on my face, I wasn’t hopeful for today. Then time was really running away from me – kids started their easter holiday today and some work cropped up so, where I normally get the bootcamp done first thing in the morning (sometimes 7am) tonight it was 9pm.

Anyway, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it since I knew I’d have to resurrect yesterdays character for something today, using them to talk about meeting someone. Location undetermined, person undetermined.

I realise the Couch to 80k podcast was recorded a couple of years ago, but it certainly felt he was talking directly to me when he said not to worry about yesterday, not every day is gonna be a winner (and it’d be amazing if at least one day wasn’t a total stinker).

And it turns out, I really enjoyed today’s. Maybe you’ll not enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it, (though you’re welcome to judge this, as the snippet is attached, but fun for me). I took my jolly joiner off to meet his dad. In a dank fixer-upper basement base inside a volcano. Cus it turns out his dad was a Bond Villain who wanted him, like his sister to go in to the family business, and now he’s called him for a meeting… now read on (or don’t, your call!)

It smells musty here. Could do with a decent clean up. Dark too, they’d probably need some better lighting. Some sort of strip light would work. Ah, the door clicked. Someone’s coming.

“This way”

“Ta very much! You know this place could do with a spot of …” stern look. That’s a stern look. I’m not sure this chap is too worried about the place. Long corridor, lots of empty, unused space. I mean you could get shelving up here. Just above that, that’d be a good spot for a nice bookcase. Over there, good spot for desk. Oh. Oh, he’s getting ahead of me. Wait up, chap.

“Through there”. Door slides open. I suppose I should go first, the old duffer will never turn round otherwise.

“Hello dad”

Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait …

“Jonathan, hello”

Jon. Everyone calls me Jon. Except dad. He’s never called me much else.

“It’s uhm… a nice place. Little fixer upper. Unusual location” he cuts me off

“Jonathan, you’re hear because I want you to be … safe.”

Safe? I mean, I work in london, so that’s pretty ropey. But safe? I’m safe where I am, is what I want to say, but my dad – he’s always just been able to crush me down.

“I’m… I’m not sure what you mean, da… Father”

“Safe for what’s coming next Jonathan. I’m pleased to see that as much as you wasted that expensive education I gave you, you’ve at least turned your hands to something useful”

I think he means joinery. Though I can also do plastering, and wallpapering. Really anything where you use your hands.

“We will need people… like you. And your sister”

Gah! My sister is here too? NOOOOO! This is turning into one of those awful family reuinion comedy things that always star Vince Vaugn. Except this isn’t funny. Well, neither are they. But this isn’t funny ON PURPOSE.

“Is … is she … well?” God, what do you ask? The last time I saw here she was trying to kill her boyfriend, and I was trying to escape out a back window. She’s mental.


SHIT! She’s here! What the f*** is she wearing? What is that? It’s like something from Dolce & Gibani’s spring dom collection.

“Hello sis. You well?” Nothing. She’s a weird one. “How’s Steven?” That was the ex.

“Oh don’t worry about Steven, his future is… bright”.

Bright? What a weird way to say “Bright”. It was like it was loaded with meaning – I don’t think she meant good. Why wouldn’t she just say “He has a bright future”?

Look, there’s a reason I never entered the family business, and it’s not just because I couldn’t really stand the oppresive dark rooms they used to conduct business in.

Author: PJ

Belfast based Comic Artist who won’t shut up on twitter.